Chapter Eleven
Who’s this. Who’s this. Who’s this. Who’s this. Who’s this.
Everything flashed through my eyes. Everything. The hospital. The bed. The everything. Letters, notes… Who am I. I’m Zaylie, Miss Eich…the fucking one you knocked up and left.
“Logan, stay here.” Marcie took my arm, tugging me inside her house. She led me into her living room, set me on the couch, and set herself on the coffee table, still clutching my arm.
“Zaylie…listen to me, okay? Zaylie?” I was staring straight ahead into her eyes, but I wasn’t blinking, wasn’t moving, wasn’t breathing. “Zaylie!” She took my shoulders and gently shook me. I blinked, meeting her eyes, my vision blurred. “Look, girlie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”
“Why doesn’t he remember me?” I whispered, feeling the cyanide climb up my throat, trying to suffocate me.
“He doesn’t remember anything. It took us hours and hours to get him to remember everything. Logan’s dad told him to go to the forest, so we did. He was just…sleeping there. He knew the basics – sleep, walk, talk, hear…he just didn’t remember…”
“Us.” I bit my lip, ready to taste the metallic liquid. “What’d they do to him?”
“As far as we can see he has a bunch of bruises, a few cuts and some deep scars. But he’s healthy. We got him into a check-up.”
Deep scars.
“The scar on his back was there before.”
“Could’ve been. We’re not sure what was there and what is new. Zaylie…he’s okay. He’s…healthy.”
“But he’s not Damon.” I met her eyes again. “Is he?”
She took a deep breath. “He seems…a lot more…care free. If that’s a good way to say it. I mean…not in a good way. He seems to not really care about anything.” Her eyes spelled out lie.
“What are you not telling me?”
“He had…blood on his hands!” She blurted, shaking her head. “I don’t understand it. It couldn’t have been his blood because his cuts weren’t too bad…” She shook her head again, looking back at me.
I stood up as Damon and Logan both entered the room. I swallowed, hard. Damon stared at me, raising an eyebrow, a smile spreading across his face. I admit, a tint of hope escaped my heart.
“You’re right…she does look good in yellow.”
I tore my gaze from him to Logan, glaring. “What the fuck were you just telling him?”
“About how much of a slut you are.”
“Logan!” Marcie slapped his shoulder, then turned to Damon. “Damon, this is Zaylie.”
“I know who she is. I knocked her up a few times.”
My head spun as my stomach twisted as my heart stopped beating. He did remember. He remembered everything. His memories didn’t change – it was his feelings. Emotions…personality.
“Holy shit,” I heard Logan murmur as I fell to the couch, trying to breathe. Trying to pull the air back in my lungs as much as I could.
“I’m kidding. Christ,” Damon said after a moment. He picked up a picture of Logan. I recognized it as his senior portrait. Instead of saying anything, he took out the picture from the frame and held it up to the light. No, his name couldn’t possibly be Damon Slade. But when he put it up higher and his shirt went up a tad, I could clearly see the abs. Dammit.
I walked over to Marcie, taking her arm and dragging her out into the kitchen. I slowly pulled myself up onto the counter, struggling to remember how to inhale.
“I…I gotta tell you something,” I whispered, my legs shaking. Marcie’s eyebrows stitched together as she took my hand.
“Tell me anything, Zaylie,” She replied reassuringly.
I took a deep breath, counting to ten so the stars would go away and the cyanide would dissolve. When they didn’t, I decided to tell her.
I told her of the night Damon had told me about what he is, how he got there, what he was doing there. How after all that we admitted how much life really was shit, and how much we were really starting to fall for eachother. It’d been indescribable – the whispering, the kissing, the silent screaming… And then I went on to admit how missing my week wasn’t terrible. But the next week…and the next week…and the next…I hadn’t thought much of it. I was stressed. So I figured, “Hey, I missed a month. Who cares.” No one did. The next month...twice in a row, he’s gone, I’m left with no period whatsoever. The seven sticks I got all showed the same sign.
By then I felt like a ball of gunk under the sink. My eyes were stinging and wet, my nose was running, but my mouth kept rambling. No one had known. I hadn’t told Josie or Aaron, I hadn’t told my family, I hadn’t even admitted to myself it was true until I decided, “Hey, it’s Damon’s. What the fuck is up with you?” I went on to think it was a miracle – how he’d known all along. The little bastard. After that I was happy until it all rushed out of me – literally. How every single thing that reminded myself Damon was real was flushed down the toilet. How it was hard telling Josie I’d known exactly what it felt like to have a miscarriage.
Marcie swallowed, her eyes lowering to the floor as I sniffled, finishing. I’d told her what I’d been holding back from everyone. Now that that was out of my chest, it still hurt as hell because the man who caused all that was standing in the next room.
“Why…” She shook her head, meeting my gaze again. “Why didn’t you tell Josie and Aaron? Josie’s been through it all I think…”
“Josie was dealing with some s-stuff…I didn’t want her to worry…”
“You could’ve told me! I’m here for you even though I live miles away, hon.”
I shook my own head, blinking. “So…what now?”
“Well…it needs to be realistic, really…”
“His apartment is still open. Just empty.” Trust me, Marcie, I know. “Will he be fine alone, though?”
“Yeah…he will.” Marcie glanced at the doorway. “He’s still himself, you know.”
I swallowed. “I know.”
While on a pee break on the way back, I stayed in the car, trying to block out his presence with Slipknot. They were going to work because I was going to make them work.
“I like this music,” He was saying. “It’s got this nice…metal to it. I like it when they scream.”
I turned to him, grinning. “Ever heard of Brokencyde?”
Damon raised his eyebrows. “Wow…you’re not a slut. Sluts listen to Britney and…Miley Cyrus and such, don’t they?”
I laughed, nodding. “Sure they do. You go ahead and think that.”
After a few more minutes of listening, Damon finally groaned (like that didn’t bring back any horrible memories), slamming back against the seat, making the whole car move. A woman stared at the car with wide eyes then, and I couldn’t help but start giggling again.
“What are they doing in there?!” He demanded, cracking his neck. “Is it so damn hard to take a piss and go? Are they having hot dirty sex or what?!”
I slapped my knee, laughing so hard I was trying not to fall on the car floor. “I’ll pay you to go see!”
He shook his head. I found it amazing at how he was making me gasp for air and he was just sitting there, being all serious. He really changed a bunch. Three years ago he’d be on the floor laughing out loud.
“I swear, if they come back and her hair looks a tad different I’ll beat the shit out of him.”
“Getting mighty defensive, are we?” We looked up at the grinning Marcie. Her hair untouched, her clothes neat and perfect. Damon still eyed Logan.
“I still say they did something.”
“Just shut your gob and let’s go,” Logan snapped, and we sped down the highway faster than monkeys can blink.
Once we’d gotten Damon’s stuff back in his room (Logan took some of their furniture from their apartment, which only caused Marcie to get pissed off at him), they took off and left us alone. With no one. It felt way too awkward.
“So…um…I’ll see you around,” I muttered, avoiding his gaze from me to the bed.
“Awww, come on. You know you want to.”
Pretend like you didn’t…pretend like he hadn’t even…
“Remember? I’m not a slut.” A smile spread across his face. “Or a French whore prostitute thing living in LA.”
He chuckled, wagging his head. “So…am I supposed to know anyone here or what? This apartment is familiar. Can’t remember anything but it’s that annoying feeling…” He stopped, and I looked up from the floorboards to meet his eyes. They weren’t smiling at me anymore, but looking at my shoulders with such…I don’t know what. Suddenly, he took a breath and murmured, “Where’s Evelyn?”
My heart sped up as I stared wide-eyed at him. He stared back, a worried look plastered on his face. “Damon…Evelyn’s gone.”
He shook his head, a glare spreading across his forehead. “No…Evelyn is not gone. I have no idea what you’re talking about, Zaylie.”
“Evelyn is dead, Damon. I’m sorry.”
“No…no, Zaylie, you need to shut up! There’s no way she’s dead! I saw her! I saw her, I swear! She was in the corridor next to me at the planets…I swear!”
“Okay, okay!” I took a deep breath. “Calm down! Just…think about it. Remember? You saw her…pass away.” I wanted to kick myself.
I don’t know how the hell it happened, but suddenly he loomed straight and tall in front of me, staring down at me, shaking his head. “But…I fucking saw her, Zaylie…”
“Maybe…maybe she’s back like you are. Maybe…”
“No. Because I used to have brown eyes and now I have green. They would’ve changed her somehow…she hasn’t changed a bit.” He took my shoulders roughly. “Do you believe me, Zaylie? Do you? You have to…you have to, Zaylie…”
His face looked like a long lost puppy. His brown hair was a mess like it always is, his eyebrows looked worried, his voice was higher than usual.
The door creaked open, then, and he whirled around, not letting go of me. Aaron put up his hands. I was dead-confused at first until I realized how Damon hated being interrupted and how I was all worried and sad for him, so it probably looked a ltitle something out of the Old Logan & Zaylie manual.
“Zee…?”
“It’s fine.” I brushed Damon’s hands off of me, continuing over to Aaron. “Damon, this is Aaron.”
“Is he another one who knew me and I don’t know him?”
“Yes.”
“Hey.” Aaron raised an eyebrow at me, then relaxed. He let out a breath.
“Hey, man.” Awkward, much? “Just to let you know…we used to be pals. And you’re amazing at baseball and basketball. And you have a great taste in music unlike my girlfriend…who would be here, because she knows you too, but she’s too busy eating yogurt.”
I laughed. “She’s hooked still?”
“You wouldn’t even know.”
I thought everything was going perfect. Damon was back, prom was coming up, Erik was taking me, Mom and Dad weren’t fighting like old people anymore, Josie and Aaron were doing well with the whole baby-in-highschool ordeal, Holden would be married in only a week’s time, and I was finally understanding Calc.
But, apparently, I awoke two weeks after the whole Evelyn’s back stuff.
It was Friday night, and my family unusually decided to go to my pappy’s old cabins. The cabins had 3 rooms, 2 double beds, and 1 single bed. Unusually, Holden announced he wanted us to all gather up again. So we boarded into the van – mom and dad up front, Holden and Cara in the two seats in the middle, Josie, Aaron, and I all squished up in the way back. I was happy until my cell phone vibrated.
I stared at the message for a little while, wondering and pondering what the fuck I should do about it. My parents had met him and approved of him…
“Hey, Dad?” I called up front, trying to be heard over Josh Groban.
“Yeah?” Josh was turned down.
“Can we make one more stop?”
“No!” Holden complained. “There’s already enough people in this small dinky thing!”
Mom gave him her ‘shut-up’ look, then looked back beyond Cara’s head to me. “Who? We’re not bringing Erik, Zaylie. God only knows what you two would get into…”
“Damon.” Josie and Aaron stopped giggling, Holden turned back to stare at me.
“Isn’t he living in like…Seattle or something?” my brother asked.
“Nope. He’s back in town.”
“Zaylie, you want to invite a 20 year old?”
“That’s what I’m saying, Poppy.” I used to call my dad Poppy when I was six. It always gets to him.
“I don’t see the harm in that I guess. Damon’s a good person. I don’t see why you two broke up.” Mom eyed me suspiciously. “Was he cheating on you?”
“No…it’s complicated. It just wasn’t going to work out. Now, yes or no? He lives where he lived before.”
Thirty minutes later Damon was sitting at my feet, talking about baseball with Holden and Aaron while Josie and I went on about prom dresses. I really didn’t see the point in wearing white. We weren’t going to a snow ball or a wedding. So I simply said a yellow dress of any kind except cotton, and Cara agreed to take us shopping.
The cabin wasn’t small or large-ass, but simply a cabin. No electricity, no lights. Just candles, flashlights, sleeping bags and pillows, canned foods, watter bottles, gas stove, and eachother. Just what I need.
The sleeping arrangements weren’t the best. Josie and Aaron took the one double bedroom, Mom and Dad the other, Cara and Holden took the single, and apparently Damon and I were left with sleeping bags, pillows, blankets, and one couch. Way too many memories that I can’t even share.
We’d left at around eleven am, so we were there around four. After putting things away and stuff, we all decided we weren’t in any need to go outside and get soaked in the sudden downpouring rain. I felt all stuffed up inside, though, and soon got a headache along with Damon, who’s headaches were practically natural to him.
Mom and Dad retired around eight (Aaron had to come up with the bright idea that maybe they weren’t gonna just sleep), Holden and Cara around ten thirty, Josie and her boyfriend around eleven forty. I was dead-tired from the stuffiness and headaches and rain. Rain makes everyone tired, doesn’t it?
I was sprawled out on the couch, Damon was lying on the floor. I would’ve totally took the floor, but he’d practically shoved me down on the couch and plopped down himself. I was too tired to yell at him to move his rump.
I was close to falling deeply asleep until I suddenly felt myself being shoved over to the side and someone invading my sleeping bag. I didn’t care until I felt the ice cold chest.
I bolted up, staring wide-eyed at him. “What the fuck, Damon? I gave you like five different blankets and you already had your sleeping bag!” I should’ve been demanding and screaming at him as to why we were suddenly sharing a single sleeping bag, but it didn’t cross my mind.
“I thought you might know.”
“Well, heavens, I don’t know much when I have a block of ice crawling into bed with me.” I shook my head. “I don’t know why you’re an iceberg.” I checked his head. “You don’t have a fever or anything. Are you feeling fine?”
“Yeah.” There goes that adorable lost puppy dog look.
“Fine. But you better be out by morning.” With that, I turned around. I noticed the arms crawling across my side and latching themselves to me, but didn’t say anything. I noticed the legs wrap around mine, his foot on top of mine, but didn’t say a word. I noticed my hand clinging to his, but I didn’t move an inch. I noticed the emptiness on my back – that there should be some kind of beat. I noticed later on when I moved that I wrapped myself around him like a giant teddybear.
I didn’t remember opening my drowsy eyes and seeing someone staring at us. I didn’t even remember the face, because as soon as I progressed him in my mind I drifted off to sleep, still in Damon’s arms.
The next morning I awoke to the sound of feet and an invisible teddy bear. He was intentionally gone, and it made me sad.
When I finally got awake enough to sit up, I was toppled on by giggles. I groaned, my face being stuffed against the cusion. The weight was lifted, followed by a quick, “Sorry, hun!” by Cara. Why would Holden apologize? He’s way too cool for that.
Once I finally wobbled up to my feet, I realized the bag beneath my feet was empty of its contents. Aaron made his way over to me, twirling me around to meet him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He demanded.
I stared at him sleepily.
“Zaylie!”
“What?!”
“Why didn’t you tell me Damon was going to be like this?”
“Be like fucking what?”
He took my arm, leading me over to the kitchen table. A note was laying there for everyone to see. I gently took it, reading it carefully.
Zaylie, went for a walk. You know where to find me.
Did I know where to find him? No, I sure as hell didn’t.
I stared at it for a while longer, then slowly set it down. “You’re parents are still asleep,” He said. “We could go and-”
“No we, Aaron. Stay here and tell them we went out for some air…or something.”
“Zaylie, Josie and I both saw you last night. We heard something out here, and we saw you two practically glued together…and now he’s gone.”
Yup, that’s pretty much what I was trying not to think about. “Look, Aaron, we’re not together. He was cold last night. Like, ice cold. I’m not kidding. So I let him there for a bit…”
“Do you remember him getting up?” I slowly shook my head. “Damnit, Zaylie!”
“What?!”
“You left him go!”
“I was fucking sleeping, Aaron!” Boom. I felt the boom, too – the sudden pang of realization. “Wait…hold your horses. You said you heard something last night? Where?”
“We could’ve sworn it was in the living room. When we saw you we kinda just figured…well, you guys couldn’t have made it, because…I don’t know, we heard a door…? You guys couldn’t have creaked it and ran because we were out there within seconds of hearing it.” A blush escaped his cheeks.
“Oh, God, Aaron! This isn’t even you’re goddamn cabin!” I shook my head, shooing the thought away. “Did you see anyone else? Shadow or anything?”
“No…” And suddenly his eyes flashed, his jaw dropping. “The door was locked, Zaylie. No one could’ve went in or out without your Dad’s key…”
“It doesn’t matter with them, Aaron.” My voice sounded hollow. “They’ll find a way.” I whirled around, upturning my duffel bag to find my sneakers. I slipped them on, slipped my poncho on. I didn’t care if it was probably around 50 outside with tumbling raindrops and I had on a tanktop and fleece pajamas.
“Zaylie-”
But he didn’t get a chance to say anything, because I slammed the door behind me.
I was lost by the next fifteen minutes or so, but I didn’t care. The lake was somewhere around the woods; I just didn’t know where exactly.
I screamed his name more time than I could count. The woods grew thick enough that I couldn’t run anymore. I had to manuever through the thick forest until finally, thankfully, I found the lake. He was sitting there, his legs dangling off the dock Holden and I had made when I was seven.
“Damon!” I yelled, thankful there wasn’t a guy dressed in black beside him. He didn’t even move. I sprinted over to him, falling out of breath beside him. “Damon…what the fuck are you doing here?!”
He was soaked to his intercore, I think, because his hair was black and sticking to the scalp. Mine was the same way, only blonde.
“Damon-”
“Did I ever tell you about my mother?”
The question made my heart bruise. Of course he did. Why couldn’t he remember? Why did she act that way? What drove her insane? Why did she…WHY?!
“Yes…you did.”
Pause. “Did I tell you what she did to me?”
“Um…bits and pieces.”
Pause. “She put me in a lake once…one just like this one.” Pause. “I sat in there for ten minutes. My dad had to take me to the ER.” Pause. “I…I wanted to go up. I did. But I couldn’t. Because I’d have to face the world again. I’d have to face my mother…and bad then, I felt no guilt for not wanting to.” Pause. Pause.
“You wouldn’t,” I whispered. “She was…insane.”
“She wasn’t always like that, you know.” He stared directly into my eyes. “She was my best friend when I was four. Demetri’s best friend. Daire’s best friend. Delanie and her…always seemed to get along. Even when she turned psycho. They were inseperable. It wasn’t fair…how I was one of the middle children and I saw her change the most. Because she knew that day at the lake…she knew I’d go get the treasure chest. And I did.” He took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have gotten it, Zaylie. I knew she was joking. I was six and thought everything was okay. Perfect. That I’d grow up and be just like my dad…” He shook his head, taking another breath. “I don’t want to be like my dad!”
“You’re not,” I said, taking his hand and squeezing it.
“Then why can’t I remember?!” He suddenly yelled. “I can’t remember Holden or baseball or Aaron or you or Josie or your parents…I can’t remember anything!”
“That’s what I want to know too, Damon,” I said, squeezing his hand again. “But… you’ve gotta be paitent, I guess.”
He stared at me for a while until he turned back to the lake. “You’re the only one that seems to know me at all. Did I tell you everything?”
“A summary, basically. How they’re using bodies and DNA and redefining them to make this…army type thing. Milita, whatever. You guys have no heartbeat because you’re supposed to be these big emotionless figures. And that they’d discard anything that had any feeling whatsoever.” Marcie…Damon… “And they poison you guys with like…this ink that goes into your eyes and it’s supposed to help track you guys and stuff…or something like that. Oh, and…the reason why you can’t have emotion is because…humans have this section in their heart that allows them to love and be happy and cry and get pissed and mad and…everything else. If you’re heart’s beating…the emotions are still there. If you have no heart…you have no emotions. And the ones that do…like you and Marcie…they feel emotions because they died with something to live for. But what I wanna know most…is…how you said they were going to kill you, but here you are. You’re here…after two and half fucking years of waiting, you’re finally here.”
We both had tears in our eyes. “Zaylie I do remember you.” My heart was beating painfully fast. “I remember when you found out. How painful it was when you did. I remember I never wanted to talk to you again because…I couldn’t face you. I…was in love with you too much.” Pause. “Then I remember when Logan told me he saw Evelyn...I remember the books at the library.” A tear fell down his cheek. “I remember kneeling down and kissing you goodbye… and the worst part being how I knew something was going to happen…but I can’t remember what I knew. So it’s like...I don’t remember the happy parts.”
My vision was too blurred up to even think about staring at him, so I just hugged his arm. “Damon…I got pregnant. And I was glad, because it showed you were actually real. I had a Damon Jr. in my tummy, and it was amazing until the fourth month.” A sudden outburst made me snuggled into him, and he tugged my arm out of my grasp and wrapped it around me. “I had a m-miscarriage…and it felt like I’d lost you forever. Like you…you were n-never real!”
So we sat there, in the pouring rain, watching the lake rise until it reached our knees. That’s when I remembered my family back at the cabin…which was God only knows where.
“Damon…” I whispered, unattaching myself from his shoulder. “We gotta go back…they’re gonna start to worry.”
“What did you love about me?” He asked, ignoring me.
“Well…the way you were care-free, yet worried about every detail. You told me not to worry when you told me everything, yet you had a worried expression on your own face. You were different. Not like…you have large ears different, but different as in you don’t go out with every single girl in the school. You could say I loved that about you.”
He shook his head, a grin on his face. “I wasn’t like that way back… I remember I managed to steal Daire’s date to a dance…I was what you would call a player. But I did have a heart. I wasn’t any kind of racist, I enjoyed being who I was.” His grin faded, his eyebrows furrowing. “I wish I remembered if you already know that.”
“Don’t worry,” I said quickly. “You did…but I like listening to you talk. It’s a weird…lullaby.”
I stared out at the lake, but I could feel his eyes staring at me. I wasn’t sure if it was all over or not, but all I knew was that he wasn’t about to attack me like he did that one time.
“Why did you let me stay with you last night?” I must’ve been anticipating for him to say something, because I don’t think a duck right next to us could’ve heard him over the now pouring rain.
Why did I let him stay with me? Because I wanted him to. His arms screamed safe, his breath on my neck reassured me that everything was okay. That the world wasn’t ending tomorrow and I’d still see him the next day. There was something else that I really didn’t want to admit at that moment in time.
“I…you were cold. So I let you stay…and you got warm, obviously.”
“I could’ve totally taken advantage of you.”
“But you didn’t.”
“But I could’ve.”
“Damon, you didn’t-”
“Like this.” With that, I couldn’t talk anymore because lips were pressed up against mine. Damon lips. I tried with all my might to pull way, but once his hand was placed on the back of my head, I hungrily wrapped myself around him. An arm wove around my waist as both of mine wrapped around his neck. The control he had over me was…unbelievable.
He tightened his grip and pulled me over to him so I was sitting on his lap. Did I have Damon again? Did Damon have me? I was the type of person who trusts no one with anything. What the fuck, Zaylie, you’re practically straddling him!
He pulled away, staring at me, grinning at me…
“Zaylie…” He murmured against my lips. I opened my eyes slowly when his lips weren’t touching mine. I needed a reason for this. He opened his eyes, his forehead resting gently against mine. Those green eyes of his bore into my blue. I wanted to kiss him again. His weight on top of me felt really odd, but right. Totally right. And I needed it again, yearned for him.
“Yes?” I whispered. I wasn’t gasping for my life, but we were both breathing really hard. Really, really hard.
“Zaylie…” Where is that kiss I’ve been longing for for the past thirty seconds?
“Damon,” I replied.
He leaned down, gently pressing his mouth against mine. I wasn’t sure if I should kiss back, so I just laid there in the dark, listening to the emptiness of his apartment complex. Sooner or later, though, he pulled away and stared at me again. It was getting intense now.
“What is it?” I whispered, trying to understand why a guy like him was on top of me. ME. “Damon…?”
“I have something to admit to you.” His breathing was softer now, more relaxed. “I have to tell you something.”
“Tell me then.” I wasn’t sure what it was, but I knew if it was that important, he’d be stuttering like that.
“It’s hard…”
“As hard as what you just told me?” When he didn’t respond, I opened my eyes. Damon Kaige Slade was crying. I wasn’t sure if it was the light or not until a tear jumped down to my forehead. I wrapped my arms around him. “Damon…?”
“You should be scared. Why aren’t you scared?”
“Because…I’m not. You’re here. That’s all I care about at the moment. I’ll care when the time comes.”
And the time wasn’t now, either. As I stared up at him, at his face, his green eyes…everything vanished. The pain of having him here again. Everything.
Only for about five seconds, though, because he crawled off of me, clutching his head, moaning in agony. Stupid fucking head.
I sat up, wrapping an arm around him. “Damon?”
“Have I ever…told you how much it hurts?”
“Well, yeah…knives, pens, needles driving through your skull all at once.”
He met my gaze. “Not that.” He took a deep, shaky breath. His hands removed from his head. “I was in Heaven, Zaylie. A long time. It hurt so fucking much to be brought back here. Up there…there isn’t any sins, no pain, no…nothing. Just simply peace and happiness.” He shook his head. “But you never…I didn’t see Marcie there.” There was a moment of silence, and the way his face scrunched up made my heart beat with intensity. “She…wasn’t…in Heaven. I walked every square inch…”
“There’s a lot of people in Heaven, Damon. Marcie…”
“She wasn’t there, Zaylie. I didn’t see Marcie.”
“Where else could she have gone, then? Marcie in Hell?” Marcie the Demon. No fucking way could that ever be possible.
“No…Zaylie, it can’t be Marcie. I remember…she died.”
I waited a few moments, making sure he wasn’t going to start being logical. “Damon…you died, too.”
“And you see the scars. All of them. Every, single, one. There was something on her face…a really deep cut. Because of the barbed wire on the fence. Yeah…and she cut it there…her forehead.” His eyes met mine again, and the absolute horror reflecting off of them scared me. “Zaylie-”
“Marcie…doesn’t have a scar. Maybe it just…wasn’t deep or it’s a dream you had…” I shook my head, trying everything I had not to believe him. “What are you getting at?”
“She’s not who she says she is! Her eyes…they change your eye color. Mine used to be brown. Hers…hers has always been dark brown like that.” His eyes grew wide, his breath beginning to pant. “Holy fucking shit. They didn’t test her…they weren’t testing her, they were…changing her.”
Changing her? As much as I believe anything that comes out of Damon’s mouth…I couldn’t believe him then. Marcie was my friend. She was nice, sweet. Didn’t care about anything but everyone else. Marcie…no.
Gruff hand grabbed my arms. “Zaylie, you have to believe me! She’s one of them! She’s one of the Soldiers! They’re made so they can live forever...”
“But you’ve already told me they don’t have emotions. I’ve seen her laugh a million times. She can’t possibly be one of them. Wouldn’t Logan know by now?”
“Soldiers don’t have hearts, Zaylie. Doesn’t mean they can’t act.”
Marcie Anderson. A Soldier. One of those heartless bitches with no emotions and fighting for a bunch of lonely fucks with nothing better to do in life.
In truth, I was fucking scared shitless. I was only at that fucking library to get community service over with. I met Damon. He seemed like an alright guy with the most amazing abs. I got to know him pretty well – he’s annoying, hot, and arrogant. Then I figured out how everything having to do with him was part of a government conspiracy – New World Order. Goody fucking goody. No one agrees with it – boom! comes their head flying toward you. As in Damon’s words – “They’ll kill all the non-believers. All the ones who disagree.”
I was a non-believer. Half the world was probably a non-believer. That is a whole lot of bodies and fire and such. Damon cutting off people’s heads with the Guillotine? Marcie cutting off people’s heads with the Guillotine?! Shooting people and not feeling even a lick of guilt? Piling bodies in a hole and setting them to flames? Fuck that. Fuck it all.
As I walked silently beside Damon on the way back to the cabin, thinking about those things, I suddenly had a thought. Not a very good thought, but a thought. My head shot up to Damon. He turned his head, glancing at me.
“Yes?”
“Why, Damon? Why is it so damn needed for one huge government? What could they possibly be hiding?” I’d asked that a few times the night I got all this information plated on a post in my mind, but still.
He was about to say something, but stopped himself. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know, honestly. It could be anything. From Mulder and Scully to cyanide and happiness. I don’t know.”
I felt uneasy with that answer.
We were greeted by everyone when we finally got back to the cabin. Dad wasn’t too happy that we were dripping up his floors, but other than that it was all okay then. Or so they thought, anyway.
That night, as I snuggled up to Damon and watched the fire blazing, I realized something. Remembered, should I say.
“Damon,” I whispered quickly. A bit too quickly, because his body tensed up as he stared at me. “There was someone here last night. It wasn’t Holden or Cara or Mom or Dad or Aaron or Josie, either. They were staring at us. I saw them…I think…but I couldn’t get a good look at them. I don’t know, I was tired. But in the morning, Aaron and Josie had gotten up because they heard something. Like a door. I mean…you’ve told me before they have their ways. Could it be them?”
He stared into the fire so long and silently that I thought he was either dead or ignoring me before he said, “I know.”
“You know? Well could-”
He stared at me. His green ice shone like ice, and the expression “shut-up-now” came upon his face. I stared back at him, my heart racing the lions in Africa. He planted his lips on mine, but not like he was kissing me. Like he was trying to do something else. When his lips removed, a hand clamped over it instead. His breath brushed against my ear as he whispered, “Don’t scream.”
It was the only thing I could try to do as he grabbed Holden’s knife from the table.
To Be Continued
Who’s this. Who’s this. Who’s this. Who’s this. Who’s this.
Everything flashed through my eyes. Everything. The hospital. The bed. The everything. Letters, notes… Who am I. I’m Zaylie, Miss Eich…the fucking one you knocked up and left.
“Logan, stay here.” Marcie took my arm, tugging me inside her house. She led me into her living room, set me on the couch, and set herself on the coffee table, still clutching my arm.
“Zaylie…listen to me, okay? Zaylie?” I was staring straight ahead into her eyes, but I wasn’t blinking, wasn’t moving, wasn’t breathing. “Zaylie!” She took my shoulders and gently shook me. I blinked, meeting her eyes, my vision blurred. “Look, girlie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”
“Why doesn’t he remember me?” I whispered, feeling the cyanide climb up my throat, trying to suffocate me.
“He doesn’t remember anything. It took us hours and hours to get him to remember everything. Logan’s dad told him to go to the forest, so we did. He was just…sleeping there. He knew the basics – sleep, walk, talk, hear…he just didn’t remember…”
“Us.” I bit my lip, ready to taste the metallic liquid. “What’d they do to him?”
“As far as we can see he has a bunch of bruises, a few cuts and some deep scars. But he’s healthy. We got him into a check-up.”
Deep scars.
“The scar on his back was there before.”
“Could’ve been. We’re not sure what was there and what is new. Zaylie…he’s okay. He’s…healthy.”
“But he’s not Damon.” I met her eyes again. “Is he?”
She took a deep breath. “He seems…a lot more…care free. If that’s a good way to say it. I mean…not in a good way. He seems to not really care about anything.” Her eyes spelled out lie.
“What are you not telling me?”
“He had…blood on his hands!” She blurted, shaking her head. “I don’t understand it. It couldn’t have been his blood because his cuts weren’t too bad…” She shook her head again, looking back at me.
I stood up as Damon and Logan both entered the room. I swallowed, hard. Damon stared at me, raising an eyebrow, a smile spreading across his face. I admit, a tint of hope escaped my heart.
“You’re right…she does look good in yellow.”
I tore my gaze from him to Logan, glaring. “What the fuck were you just telling him?”
“About how much of a slut you are.”
“Logan!” Marcie slapped his shoulder, then turned to Damon. “Damon, this is Zaylie.”
“I know who she is. I knocked her up a few times.”
My head spun as my stomach twisted as my heart stopped beating. He did remember. He remembered everything. His memories didn’t change – it was his feelings. Emotions…personality.
“Holy shit,” I heard Logan murmur as I fell to the couch, trying to breathe. Trying to pull the air back in my lungs as much as I could.
“I’m kidding. Christ,” Damon said after a moment. He picked up a picture of Logan. I recognized it as his senior portrait. Instead of saying anything, he took out the picture from the frame and held it up to the light. No, his name couldn’t possibly be Damon Slade. But when he put it up higher and his shirt went up a tad, I could clearly see the abs. Dammit.
I walked over to Marcie, taking her arm and dragging her out into the kitchen. I slowly pulled myself up onto the counter, struggling to remember how to inhale.
“I…I gotta tell you something,” I whispered, my legs shaking. Marcie’s eyebrows stitched together as she took my hand.
“Tell me anything, Zaylie,” She replied reassuringly.
I took a deep breath, counting to ten so the stars would go away and the cyanide would dissolve. When they didn’t, I decided to tell her.
I told her of the night Damon had told me about what he is, how he got there, what he was doing there. How after all that we admitted how much life really was shit, and how much we were really starting to fall for eachother. It’d been indescribable – the whispering, the kissing, the silent screaming… And then I went on to admit how missing my week wasn’t terrible. But the next week…and the next week…and the next…I hadn’t thought much of it. I was stressed. So I figured, “Hey, I missed a month. Who cares.” No one did. The next month...twice in a row, he’s gone, I’m left with no period whatsoever. The seven sticks I got all showed the same sign.
By then I felt like a ball of gunk under the sink. My eyes were stinging and wet, my nose was running, but my mouth kept rambling. No one had known. I hadn’t told Josie or Aaron, I hadn’t told my family, I hadn’t even admitted to myself it was true until I decided, “Hey, it’s Damon’s. What the fuck is up with you?” I went on to think it was a miracle – how he’d known all along. The little bastard. After that I was happy until it all rushed out of me – literally. How every single thing that reminded myself Damon was real was flushed down the toilet. How it was hard telling Josie I’d known exactly what it felt like to have a miscarriage.
Marcie swallowed, her eyes lowering to the floor as I sniffled, finishing. I’d told her what I’d been holding back from everyone. Now that that was out of my chest, it still hurt as hell because the man who caused all that was standing in the next room.
“Why…” She shook her head, meeting my gaze again. “Why didn’t you tell Josie and Aaron? Josie’s been through it all I think…”
“Josie was dealing with some s-stuff…I didn’t want her to worry…”
“You could’ve told me! I’m here for you even though I live miles away, hon.”
I shook my own head, blinking. “So…what now?”
“Well…it needs to be realistic, really…”
“His apartment is still open. Just empty.” Trust me, Marcie, I know. “Will he be fine alone, though?”
“Yeah…he will.” Marcie glanced at the doorway. “He’s still himself, you know.”
I swallowed. “I know.”
While on a pee break on the way back, I stayed in the car, trying to block out his presence with Slipknot. They were going to work because I was going to make them work.
“I like this music,” He was saying. “It’s got this nice…metal to it. I like it when they scream.”
I turned to him, grinning. “Ever heard of Brokencyde?”
Damon raised his eyebrows. “Wow…you’re not a slut. Sluts listen to Britney and…Miley Cyrus and such, don’t they?”
I laughed, nodding. “Sure they do. You go ahead and think that.”
After a few more minutes of listening, Damon finally groaned (like that didn’t bring back any horrible memories), slamming back against the seat, making the whole car move. A woman stared at the car with wide eyes then, and I couldn’t help but start giggling again.
“What are they doing in there?!” He demanded, cracking his neck. “Is it so damn hard to take a piss and go? Are they having hot dirty sex or what?!”
I slapped my knee, laughing so hard I was trying not to fall on the car floor. “I’ll pay you to go see!”
He shook his head. I found it amazing at how he was making me gasp for air and he was just sitting there, being all serious. He really changed a bunch. Three years ago he’d be on the floor laughing out loud.
“I swear, if they come back and her hair looks a tad different I’ll beat the shit out of him.”
“Getting mighty defensive, are we?” We looked up at the grinning Marcie. Her hair untouched, her clothes neat and perfect. Damon still eyed Logan.
“I still say they did something.”
“Just shut your gob and let’s go,” Logan snapped, and we sped down the highway faster than monkeys can blink.
Once we’d gotten Damon’s stuff back in his room (Logan took some of their furniture from their apartment, which only caused Marcie to get pissed off at him), they took off and left us alone. With no one. It felt way too awkward.
“So…um…I’ll see you around,” I muttered, avoiding his gaze from me to the bed.
“Awww, come on. You know you want to.”
Pretend like you didn’t…pretend like he hadn’t even…
“Remember? I’m not a slut.” A smile spread across his face. “Or a French whore prostitute thing living in LA.”
He chuckled, wagging his head. “So…am I supposed to know anyone here or what? This apartment is familiar. Can’t remember anything but it’s that annoying feeling…” He stopped, and I looked up from the floorboards to meet his eyes. They weren’t smiling at me anymore, but looking at my shoulders with such…I don’t know what. Suddenly, he took a breath and murmured, “Where’s Evelyn?”
My heart sped up as I stared wide-eyed at him. He stared back, a worried look plastered on his face. “Damon…Evelyn’s gone.”
He shook his head, a glare spreading across his forehead. “No…Evelyn is not gone. I have no idea what you’re talking about, Zaylie.”
“Evelyn is dead, Damon. I’m sorry.”
“No…no, Zaylie, you need to shut up! There’s no way she’s dead! I saw her! I saw her, I swear! She was in the corridor next to me at the planets…I swear!”
“Okay, okay!” I took a deep breath. “Calm down! Just…think about it. Remember? You saw her…pass away.” I wanted to kick myself.
I don’t know how the hell it happened, but suddenly he loomed straight and tall in front of me, staring down at me, shaking his head. “But…I fucking saw her, Zaylie…”
“Maybe…maybe she’s back like you are. Maybe…”
“No. Because I used to have brown eyes and now I have green. They would’ve changed her somehow…she hasn’t changed a bit.” He took my shoulders roughly. “Do you believe me, Zaylie? Do you? You have to…you have to, Zaylie…”
His face looked like a long lost puppy. His brown hair was a mess like it always is, his eyebrows looked worried, his voice was higher than usual.
The door creaked open, then, and he whirled around, not letting go of me. Aaron put up his hands. I was dead-confused at first until I realized how Damon hated being interrupted and how I was all worried and sad for him, so it probably looked a ltitle something out of the Old Logan & Zaylie manual.
“Zee…?”
“It’s fine.” I brushed Damon’s hands off of me, continuing over to Aaron. “Damon, this is Aaron.”
“Is he another one who knew me and I don’t know him?”
“Yes.”
“Hey.” Aaron raised an eyebrow at me, then relaxed. He let out a breath.
“Hey, man.” Awkward, much? “Just to let you know…we used to be pals. And you’re amazing at baseball and basketball. And you have a great taste in music unlike my girlfriend…who would be here, because she knows you too, but she’s too busy eating yogurt.”
I laughed. “She’s hooked still?”
“You wouldn’t even know.”
I thought everything was going perfect. Damon was back, prom was coming up, Erik was taking me, Mom and Dad weren’t fighting like old people anymore, Josie and Aaron were doing well with the whole baby-in-highschool ordeal, Holden would be married in only a week’s time, and I was finally understanding Calc.
But, apparently, I awoke two weeks after the whole Evelyn’s back stuff.
It was Friday night, and my family unusually decided to go to my pappy’s old cabins. The cabins had 3 rooms, 2 double beds, and 1 single bed. Unusually, Holden announced he wanted us to all gather up again. So we boarded into the van – mom and dad up front, Holden and Cara in the two seats in the middle, Josie, Aaron, and I all squished up in the way back. I was happy until my cell phone vibrated.
I stared at the message for a little while, wondering and pondering what the fuck I should do about it. My parents had met him and approved of him…
“Hey, Dad?” I called up front, trying to be heard over Josh Groban.
“Yeah?” Josh was turned down.
“Can we make one more stop?”
“No!” Holden complained. “There’s already enough people in this small dinky thing!”
Mom gave him her ‘shut-up’ look, then looked back beyond Cara’s head to me. “Who? We’re not bringing Erik, Zaylie. God only knows what you two would get into…”
“Damon.” Josie and Aaron stopped giggling, Holden turned back to stare at me.
“Isn’t he living in like…Seattle or something?” my brother asked.
“Nope. He’s back in town.”
“Zaylie, you want to invite a 20 year old?”
“That’s what I’m saying, Poppy.” I used to call my dad Poppy when I was six. It always gets to him.
“I don’t see the harm in that I guess. Damon’s a good person. I don’t see why you two broke up.” Mom eyed me suspiciously. “Was he cheating on you?”
“No…it’s complicated. It just wasn’t going to work out. Now, yes or no? He lives where he lived before.”
Thirty minutes later Damon was sitting at my feet, talking about baseball with Holden and Aaron while Josie and I went on about prom dresses. I really didn’t see the point in wearing white. We weren’t going to a snow ball or a wedding. So I simply said a yellow dress of any kind except cotton, and Cara agreed to take us shopping.
The cabin wasn’t small or large-ass, but simply a cabin. No electricity, no lights. Just candles, flashlights, sleeping bags and pillows, canned foods, watter bottles, gas stove, and eachother. Just what I need.
The sleeping arrangements weren’t the best. Josie and Aaron took the one double bedroom, Mom and Dad the other, Cara and Holden took the single, and apparently Damon and I were left with sleeping bags, pillows, blankets, and one couch. Way too many memories that I can’t even share.
We’d left at around eleven am, so we were there around four. After putting things away and stuff, we all decided we weren’t in any need to go outside and get soaked in the sudden downpouring rain. I felt all stuffed up inside, though, and soon got a headache along with Damon, who’s headaches were practically natural to him.
Mom and Dad retired around eight (Aaron had to come up with the bright idea that maybe they weren’t gonna just sleep), Holden and Cara around ten thirty, Josie and her boyfriend around eleven forty. I was dead-tired from the stuffiness and headaches and rain. Rain makes everyone tired, doesn’t it?
I was sprawled out on the couch, Damon was lying on the floor. I would’ve totally took the floor, but he’d practically shoved me down on the couch and plopped down himself. I was too tired to yell at him to move his rump.
I was close to falling deeply asleep until I suddenly felt myself being shoved over to the side and someone invading my sleeping bag. I didn’t care until I felt the ice cold chest.
I bolted up, staring wide-eyed at him. “What the fuck, Damon? I gave you like five different blankets and you already had your sleeping bag!” I should’ve been demanding and screaming at him as to why we were suddenly sharing a single sleeping bag, but it didn’t cross my mind.
“I thought you might know.”
“Well, heavens, I don’t know much when I have a block of ice crawling into bed with me.” I shook my head. “I don’t know why you’re an iceberg.” I checked his head. “You don’t have a fever or anything. Are you feeling fine?”
“Yeah.” There goes that adorable lost puppy dog look.
“Fine. But you better be out by morning.” With that, I turned around. I noticed the arms crawling across my side and latching themselves to me, but didn’t say anything. I noticed the legs wrap around mine, his foot on top of mine, but didn’t say a word. I noticed my hand clinging to his, but I didn’t move an inch. I noticed the emptiness on my back – that there should be some kind of beat. I noticed later on when I moved that I wrapped myself around him like a giant teddybear.
I didn’t remember opening my drowsy eyes and seeing someone staring at us. I didn’t even remember the face, because as soon as I progressed him in my mind I drifted off to sleep, still in Damon’s arms.
The next morning I awoke to the sound of feet and an invisible teddy bear. He was intentionally gone, and it made me sad.
When I finally got awake enough to sit up, I was toppled on by giggles. I groaned, my face being stuffed against the cusion. The weight was lifted, followed by a quick, “Sorry, hun!” by Cara. Why would Holden apologize? He’s way too cool for that.
Once I finally wobbled up to my feet, I realized the bag beneath my feet was empty of its contents. Aaron made his way over to me, twirling me around to meet him.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He demanded.
I stared at him sleepily.
“Zaylie!”
“What?!”
“Why didn’t you tell me Damon was going to be like this?”
“Be like fucking what?”
He took my arm, leading me over to the kitchen table. A note was laying there for everyone to see. I gently took it, reading it carefully.
Zaylie, went for a walk. You know where to find me.
Did I know where to find him? No, I sure as hell didn’t.
I stared at it for a while longer, then slowly set it down. “You’re parents are still asleep,” He said. “We could go and-”
“No we, Aaron. Stay here and tell them we went out for some air…or something.”
“Zaylie, Josie and I both saw you last night. We heard something out here, and we saw you two practically glued together…and now he’s gone.”
Yup, that’s pretty much what I was trying not to think about. “Look, Aaron, we’re not together. He was cold last night. Like, ice cold. I’m not kidding. So I let him there for a bit…”
“Do you remember him getting up?” I slowly shook my head. “Damnit, Zaylie!”
“What?!”
“You left him go!”
“I was fucking sleeping, Aaron!” Boom. I felt the boom, too – the sudden pang of realization. “Wait…hold your horses. You said you heard something last night? Where?”
“We could’ve sworn it was in the living room. When we saw you we kinda just figured…well, you guys couldn’t have made it, because…I don’t know, we heard a door…? You guys couldn’t have creaked it and ran because we were out there within seconds of hearing it.” A blush escaped his cheeks.
“Oh, God, Aaron! This isn’t even you’re goddamn cabin!” I shook my head, shooing the thought away. “Did you see anyone else? Shadow or anything?”
“No…” And suddenly his eyes flashed, his jaw dropping. “The door was locked, Zaylie. No one could’ve went in or out without your Dad’s key…”
“It doesn’t matter with them, Aaron.” My voice sounded hollow. “They’ll find a way.” I whirled around, upturning my duffel bag to find my sneakers. I slipped them on, slipped my poncho on. I didn’t care if it was probably around 50 outside with tumbling raindrops and I had on a tanktop and fleece pajamas.
“Zaylie-”
But he didn’t get a chance to say anything, because I slammed the door behind me.
I was lost by the next fifteen minutes or so, but I didn’t care. The lake was somewhere around the woods; I just didn’t know where exactly.
I screamed his name more time than I could count. The woods grew thick enough that I couldn’t run anymore. I had to manuever through the thick forest until finally, thankfully, I found the lake. He was sitting there, his legs dangling off the dock Holden and I had made when I was seven.
“Damon!” I yelled, thankful there wasn’t a guy dressed in black beside him. He didn’t even move. I sprinted over to him, falling out of breath beside him. “Damon…what the fuck are you doing here?!”
He was soaked to his intercore, I think, because his hair was black and sticking to the scalp. Mine was the same way, only blonde.
“Damon-”
“Did I ever tell you about my mother?”
The question made my heart bruise. Of course he did. Why couldn’t he remember? Why did she act that way? What drove her insane? Why did she…WHY?!
“Yes…you did.”
Pause. “Did I tell you what she did to me?”
“Um…bits and pieces.”
Pause. “She put me in a lake once…one just like this one.” Pause. “I sat in there for ten minutes. My dad had to take me to the ER.” Pause. “I…I wanted to go up. I did. But I couldn’t. Because I’d have to face the world again. I’d have to face my mother…and bad then, I felt no guilt for not wanting to.” Pause. Pause.
“You wouldn’t,” I whispered. “She was…insane.”
“She wasn’t always like that, you know.” He stared directly into my eyes. “She was my best friend when I was four. Demetri’s best friend. Daire’s best friend. Delanie and her…always seemed to get along. Even when she turned psycho. They were inseperable. It wasn’t fair…how I was one of the middle children and I saw her change the most. Because she knew that day at the lake…she knew I’d go get the treasure chest. And I did.” He took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have gotten it, Zaylie. I knew she was joking. I was six and thought everything was okay. Perfect. That I’d grow up and be just like my dad…” He shook his head, taking another breath. “I don’t want to be like my dad!”
“You’re not,” I said, taking his hand and squeezing it.
“Then why can’t I remember?!” He suddenly yelled. “I can’t remember Holden or baseball or Aaron or you or Josie or your parents…I can’t remember anything!”
“That’s what I want to know too, Damon,” I said, squeezing his hand again. “But… you’ve gotta be paitent, I guess.”
He stared at me for a while until he turned back to the lake. “You’re the only one that seems to know me at all. Did I tell you everything?”
“A summary, basically. How they’re using bodies and DNA and redefining them to make this…army type thing. Milita, whatever. You guys have no heartbeat because you’re supposed to be these big emotionless figures. And that they’d discard anything that had any feeling whatsoever.” Marcie…Damon… “And they poison you guys with like…this ink that goes into your eyes and it’s supposed to help track you guys and stuff…or something like that. Oh, and…the reason why you can’t have emotion is because…humans have this section in their heart that allows them to love and be happy and cry and get pissed and mad and…everything else. If you’re heart’s beating…the emotions are still there. If you have no heart…you have no emotions. And the ones that do…like you and Marcie…they feel emotions because they died with something to live for. But what I wanna know most…is…how you said they were going to kill you, but here you are. You’re here…after two and half fucking years of waiting, you’re finally here.”
We both had tears in our eyes. “Zaylie I do remember you.” My heart was beating painfully fast. “I remember when you found out. How painful it was when you did. I remember I never wanted to talk to you again because…I couldn’t face you. I…was in love with you too much.” Pause. “Then I remember when Logan told me he saw Evelyn...I remember the books at the library.” A tear fell down his cheek. “I remember kneeling down and kissing you goodbye… and the worst part being how I knew something was going to happen…but I can’t remember what I knew. So it’s like...I don’t remember the happy parts.”
My vision was too blurred up to even think about staring at him, so I just hugged his arm. “Damon…I got pregnant. And I was glad, because it showed you were actually real. I had a Damon Jr. in my tummy, and it was amazing until the fourth month.” A sudden outburst made me snuggled into him, and he tugged my arm out of my grasp and wrapped it around me. “I had a m-miscarriage…and it felt like I’d lost you forever. Like you…you were n-never real!”
So we sat there, in the pouring rain, watching the lake rise until it reached our knees. That’s when I remembered my family back at the cabin…which was God only knows where.
“Damon…” I whispered, unattaching myself from his shoulder. “We gotta go back…they’re gonna start to worry.”
“What did you love about me?” He asked, ignoring me.
“Well…the way you were care-free, yet worried about every detail. You told me not to worry when you told me everything, yet you had a worried expression on your own face. You were different. Not like…you have large ears different, but different as in you don’t go out with every single girl in the school. You could say I loved that about you.”
He shook his head, a grin on his face. “I wasn’t like that way back… I remember I managed to steal Daire’s date to a dance…I was what you would call a player. But I did have a heart. I wasn’t any kind of racist, I enjoyed being who I was.” His grin faded, his eyebrows furrowing. “I wish I remembered if you already know that.”
“Don’t worry,” I said quickly. “You did…but I like listening to you talk. It’s a weird…lullaby.”
I stared out at the lake, but I could feel his eyes staring at me. I wasn’t sure if it was all over or not, but all I knew was that he wasn’t about to attack me like he did that one time.
“Why did you let me stay with you last night?” I must’ve been anticipating for him to say something, because I don’t think a duck right next to us could’ve heard him over the now pouring rain.
Why did I let him stay with me? Because I wanted him to. His arms screamed safe, his breath on my neck reassured me that everything was okay. That the world wasn’t ending tomorrow and I’d still see him the next day. There was something else that I really didn’t want to admit at that moment in time.
“I…you were cold. So I let you stay…and you got warm, obviously.”
“I could’ve totally taken advantage of you.”
“But you didn’t.”
“But I could’ve.”
“Damon, you didn’t-”
“Like this.” With that, I couldn’t talk anymore because lips were pressed up against mine. Damon lips. I tried with all my might to pull way, but once his hand was placed on the back of my head, I hungrily wrapped myself around him. An arm wove around my waist as both of mine wrapped around his neck. The control he had over me was…unbelievable.
He tightened his grip and pulled me over to him so I was sitting on his lap. Did I have Damon again? Did Damon have me? I was the type of person who trusts no one with anything. What the fuck, Zaylie, you’re practically straddling him!
He pulled away, staring at me, grinning at me…
“Zaylie…” He murmured against my lips. I opened my eyes slowly when his lips weren’t touching mine. I needed a reason for this. He opened his eyes, his forehead resting gently against mine. Those green eyes of his bore into my blue. I wanted to kiss him again. His weight on top of me felt really odd, but right. Totally right. And I needed it again, yearned for him.
“Yes?” I whispered. I wasn’t gasping for my life, but we were both breathing really hard. Really, really hard.
“Zaylie…” Where is that kiss I’ve been longing for for the past thirty seconds?
“Damon,” I replied.
He leaned down, gently pressing his mouth against mine. I wasn’t sure if I should kiss back, so I just laid there in the dark, listening to the emptiness of his apartment complex. Sooner or later, though, he pulled away and stared at me again. It was getting intense now.
“What is it?” I whispered, trying to understand why a guy like him was on top of me. ME. “Damon…?”
“I have something to admit to you.” His breathing was softer now, more relaxed. “I have to tell you something.”
“Tell me then.” I wasn’t sure what it was, but I knew if it was that important, he’d be stuttering like that.
“It’s hard…”
“As hard as what you just told me?” When he didn’t respond, I opened my eyes. Damon Kaige Slade was crying. I wasn’t sure if it was the light or not until a tear jumped down to my forehead. I wrapped my arms around him. “Damon…?”
“You should be scared. Why aren’t you scared?”
“Because…I’m not. You’re here. That’s all I care about at the moment. I’ll care when the time comes.”
And the time wasn’t now, either. As I stared up at him, at his face, his green eyes…everything vanished. The pain of having him here again. Everything.
Only for about five seconds, though, because he crawled off of me, clutching his head, moaning in agony. Stupid fucking head.
I sat up, wrapping an arm around him. “Damon?”
“Have I ever…told you how much it hurts?”
“Well, yeah…knives, pens, needles driving through your skull all at once.”
He met my gaze. “Not that.” He took a deep, shaky breath. His hands removed from his head. “I was in Heaven, Zaylie. A long time. It hurt so fucking much to be brought back here. Up there…there isn’t any sins, no pain, no…nothing. Just simply peace and happiness.” He shook his head. “But you never…I didn’t see Marcie there.” There was a moment of silence, and the way his face scrunched up made my heart beat with intensity. “She…wasn’t…in Heaven. I walked every square inch…”
“There’s a lot of people in Heaven, Damon. Marcie…”
“She wasn’t there, Zaylie. I didn’t see Marcie.”
“Where else could she have gone, then? Marcie in Hell?” Marcie the Demon. No fucking way could that ever be possible.
“No…Zaylie, it can’t be Marcie. I remember…she died.”
I waited a few moments, making sure he wasn’t going to start being logical. “Damon…you died, too.”
“And you see the scars. All of them. Every, single, one. There was something on her face…a really deep cut. Because of the barbed wire on the fence. Yeah…and she cut it there…her forehead.” His eyes met mine again, and the absolute horror reflecting off of them scared me. “Zaylie-”
“Marcie…doesn’t have a scar. Maybe it just…wasn’t deep or it’s a dream you had…” I shook my head, trying everything I had not to believe him. “What are you getting at?”
“She’s not who she says she is! Her eyes…they change your eye color. Mine used to be brown. Hers…hers has always been dark brown like that.” His eyes grew wide, his breath beginning to pant. “Holy fucking shit. They didn’t test her…they weren’t testing her, they were…changing her.”
Changing her? As much as I believe anything that comes out of Damon’s mouth…I couldn’t believe him then. Marcie was my friend. She was nice, sweet. Didn’t care about anything but everyone else. Marcie…no.
Gruff hand grabbed my arms. “Zaylie, you have to believe me! She’s one of them! She’s one of the Soldiers! They’re made so they can live forever...”
“But you’ve already told me they don’t have emotions. I’ve seen her laugh a million times. She can’t possibly be one of them. Wouldn’t Logan know by now?”
“Soldiers don’t have hearts, Zaylie. Doesn’t mean they can’t act.”
Marcie Anderson. A Soldier. One of those heartless bitches with no emotions and fighting for a bunch of lonely fucks with nothing better to do in life.
In truth, I was fucking scared shitless. I was only at that fucking library to get community service over with. I met Damon. He seemed like an alright guy with the most amazing abs. I got to know him pretty well – he’s annoying, hot, and arrogant. Then I figured out how everything having to do with him was part of a government conspiracy – New World Order. Goody fucking goody. No one agrees with it – boom! comes their head flying toward you. As in Damon’s words – “They’ll kill all the non-believers. All the ones who disagree.”
I was a non-believer. Half the world was probably a non-believer. That is a whole lot of bodies and fire and such. Damon cutting off people’s heads with the Guillotine? Marcie cutting off people’s heads with the Guillotine?! Shooting people and not feeling even a lick of guilt? Piling bodies in a hole and setting them to flames? Fuck that. Fuck it all.
As I walked silently beside Damon on the way back to the cabin, thinking about those things, I suddenly had a thought. Not a very good thought, but a thought. My head shot up to Damon. He turned his head, glancing at me.
“Yes?”
“Why, Damon? Why is it so damn needed for one huge government? What could they possibly be hiding?” I’d asked that a few times the night I got all this information plated on a post in my mind, but still.
He was about to say something, but stopped himself. He took a deep breath. “I don’t know, honestly. It could be anything. From Mulder and Scully to cyanide and happiness. I don’t know.”
I felt uneasy with that answer.
We were greeted by everyone when we finally got back to the cabin. Dad wasn’t too happy that we were dripping up his floors, but other than that it was all okay then. Or so they thought, anyway.
That night, as I snuggled up to Damon and watched the fire blazing, I realized something. Remembered, should I say.
“Damon,” I whispered quickly. A bit too quickly, because his body tensed up as he stared at me. “There was someone here last night. It wasn’t Holden or Cara or Mom or Dad or Aaron or Josie, either. They were staring at us. I saw them…I think…but I couldn’t get a good look at them. I don’t know, I was tired. But in the morning, Aaron and Josie had gotten up because they heard something. Like a door. I mean…you’ve told me before they have their ways. Could it be them?”
He stared into the fire so long and silently that I thought he was either dead or ignoring me before he said, “I know.”
“You know? Well could-”
He stared at me. His green ice shone like ice, and the expression “shut-up-now” came upon his face. I stared back at him, my heart racing the lions in Africa. He planted his lips on mine, but not like he was kissing me. Like he was trying to do something else. When his lips removed, a hand clamped over it instead. His breath brushed against my ear as he whispered, “Don’t scream.”
It was the only thing I could try to do as he grabbed Holden’s knife from the table.
To Be Continued